my lifelong teammate

When I was sixteen, I’d cry every Sunday before going back to school on Monday. But I had amazing friends at school, had all A’s, and loved my classes.  When I was seventeen, I threw up before and after every cheerleading performance and first date. But we won state, I was cheerleading co-captain, and the…

i don’t have to care

I seek out books about progressive faith,Read women write about the role their sex plays.I read books by Christians in all deconstruction stages,I stalk their citations and flip through their pages– Then I remember! I don’t have to care.I don’t have to read the words that are there.I already know the church’s stance is unfair.I…

on letting loose

It’s July in Charleston, and I’m sixteen years old sitting on a bench outside of Jason’s Deli, some pop fiction book in hand, dripping with sweat while waiting for my friends who can drive to come pick me up. They pick on me because I could’ve gotten my restricted license almost a year ago if…

i am tired of working through this

I miss the ease of believing. I miss breathing in the wind deeply and noticing the way it peels back the flower from its petals and attributing it to God. I miss seeing majesty and intention. Of lifting my chin to the sun and feeling His hand against my cheek, warm and kind. Holding me.…

all this silence

"Then the Lord called, 'Samuel! Samuel!' and he said, 'Here I am!' and ran to Eli, and said, 'Here I am, for you called me.' But he said, 'I did not call; lie down again.' So he went and lay down. The Lord called again, 'Samuel!' Samuel got up and went to Eli, and said, 'Here I am, for you called me.'…