my lifelong teammate

When I was sixteen, I’d cry every Sunday before going back to school on Monday. But I had amazing friends at school, had all A’s, and loved my classes.  When I was seventeen, I threw up before and after every cheerleading performance and first date. But we won state, I was cheerleading co-captain, and the…

nobody puts anybody in a corner

I want a permanent summer, a lover who’s both the bad boy and the good guy, and the supernatural ability to ballroom dance. And a perm. I might just consider one of those, too. Maybe this is why I love Dirty Dancing so much; it offers the life we all want but will never have.…

an experiment in healing and a stupid, rusted lock

I walked up to the little stone table and focused my eyes out towards the ocean instead of towards my coffee date, and I sat down. I held my thumb in my hand, slid my ring on and off again until I thought my finger might fall off. And then I began to talk to…

ghost of lovers past

The past seduces me; he likes lace, and lipstick, and silk sheets, and of course, he's so sentimental-- remember the first time? Of course you do. He whispers in my ear, brushes against my skin. He reminds me no one will ever love me the way he has, because he's always with me. He's seen…

shame, sham

You must have been ordained, the way you tinker with ancient text, the way you convert Hebrew and Greek until manuscripts read in your crooked tongue. Translations are rough anyways; what's the matter? Tell me what to do, and tell me you're God. Go ahead, sit on your throne of dust. Who is being glorified…

i am certain of my ambivalence

Irony unaware of itself is not irony; it's just an all-around lack of knowing. A situation gone awry without self-seeing is only vague, lonely company. Something strikes me in the midst of such uncertainty. I watch things break before they bend. It isn't supposed to happen that way, is it? Endless emotions eventually morph into…

i got 2 homes

When I'm in Malibu, I desperately miss Charleston. I miss big things and little things and all sized things that fit somewhere in between. I miss my mother's touch and the carnations my father buys me each time he makes a trip to the grocery store that he clips and places in my favorite yellow…

bye bye bye

Do you ever just crave five or six boys with good hair harmonizing to alt-rock or bubblegum pop hits and dancing in perfect synchronization? Because same. Growing up in the 2000s, I was blessed with my fair share of boy band experiences. I remember jamming to the Jonas Brothers first and Big Time Rush (though…